Graybeard Leadership and Executive Coaching
Helping leaders grow since 2014
Ask Questions That Encourage Thoughtful Discussion
Asking questions becomes increasingly more important the higher someone climbs the organizational ladder. Questions help us gather information to make better decisions, uncover alternative courses of action, encourage innovation, and challenge team members to think for themselves. Given the importance of asking questions, it is surprising that few new leaders—and even experienced ones—think intentionally about how they ask questions or strive to do it well.
Humans are stubborn. We are more likely to respond positively and productively when we get to decide what we want to do instead of being told what to do or how to do it. When my granddaughter was three and I asked if she needed to go the bathroom, she invariably said, “No,” even when the signs were clear that she needed a bathroom visit. If, however, I asked her which bathroom she wanted to use, she would choose and visit the bathroom with minimal fuss. Adult team members aren’t much different than three-year-olds when it comes to their desire to decide for themselves.
The most effective questions are ones that invite thoughtful responses. Many of us unwittingly ask “close-ended” questions that can be answered with “yes,” “no,” or other one-word answers. Open-ended questions elicit longer responses and encourage more thought from the person we’re questioning. If we ask a team member, “Are you making good progress on your project?”, they easily could answer, “yes” or “no”—and we won’t learn much. Asking questions such as, “What progress are you making on your project?”, “What challenges are you facing?”, or “Would you tell me about your project?”, invite more thoughtful and certainly more informative responses.
The most thoughtful questions tend to be brief and non-judgmental, and they require significant thought to answer. They usually begin with “how” or “what.” Be on alert when asking a question starting with “why,” which can be perceived as accusatory or judgmental, particularly in an email or text in which the reader doesn’t have access to the tone of our voice or non-verbal cues. Examples of simple, effective questions include:
● What options are you considering?
● How do you plan to proceed?
● What’s on your mind?
● What led to that conclusion? (Much more inviting and less judgmental than “Why did you do that?”)
You are most likely on the wrong track if your questioning resembles a Congressional hearing, in which a senator takes five minutes to make a statement and concludes with a question such as, “Why did you do that?” or “Do you still kick your dog?”
It is very easy to fall into the “expertise trap,” which occurs when a team member asks a question that tempts you to show how much you know. Although you truly may be the expert, it is often more important to develop other experts or draw out your team members’ expertise than demonstrate your own brilliance. Rather than answering the question, or giving guidance, consider asking questions to challenge your team members to think of solutions themselves. When team members ask you to make a decision, consider suggesting that they take the reins or, at a minimum, that they make a recommendation and discuss the pros and cons with you.
Steve—a senior attorney and nationally recognized expert at a federal regulatory agency—tired of seemingly endless debates with fellow attorneys. He decided to experiment. Instead of trying to persuade other attorneys to adopt his point of view, he began asking open-ended questions. He found that the more open-ended questions he asked, the more other lawyers spoke. And the more they spoke, the more likely they were to talk themselves into adopting his point of view. The senior attorney said, “I love it. I talk less and I win more debates.”
To hold yourself accountable for asking effective questions, consider:
· Noting the number of open-ended and closed-ended questions you ask in a week.
· Making a list of every question you ask for several days.
· Asking a trusted colleague to track the number and type of questions you ask.
· Practicing by asking your kids open-ended questions. Instead of: “Did you have a good day at school?” ask “What was the best thing that happened today at school?” or “What’s the most interesting thing you learned today?”
You may be surprised how quickly such simple observations build new, productive habits for you while also bringing out the best from team members. You also may want to pay attention to how your team members respond when you ask open-ended questions.
The book Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, by Marilee Adams, is a great resource to learn more about how to ask effective, non-judgmental questions. And The Coaching Habit, by Michael Bungay Stanier, is a superb guide to asking questions that lead team members to think for themselves. Both books are short and easy to read—and full of practical suggestions.
New Supervisor Survival Guide - Table of Contents
Shift to Developing Great Individual Contributors
The Dozen Key Skills
Get Off Autopilot
The Dozen Key Skills
Skill 1: Listen To Understand
Skill 2: Ask Questions that Encourage Thoughtful Discussion
Skill 3: Provide Feedback that Encourages Thoughtful Action
Skill 4: Delegate Challenging Work
Skill 5: Establish Clear Accountability Standards
Skill 6: Overcome Fear of Tough Conversations
Skill 7: Encourage Innovation
Skill 8: Inspire Commitment
Skill 9: Articulate Your Authentic Leadership Style
Skill 10: Foster a Healthy Work Environment
Skill 11: Lead Former Peers
Skill 12: Imagine the Future
Begin Your Lifelong Leadership Journey
I love to help leaders grow
Technical skills only get you so far. "Soft" Skills Determine Who Rises.
I'm an International Coaching Federation Master Certified Coach and former CFO who'll be your partner in refining your "soft" skills so you can overcome the day-to-day frustrations of managing so you can develop your people, build high performing teams and succeed as an executive by:
- Enhancing your self-awareness
- Increasing your emotional intelligence
- Strengthening your listening and communication skills
- Honing your unique leadership style
- Refining and communicating your strategic vision Inspiring employees
- Delegating effectively
- Delivering effective feedback
- Developing employees
- Building trust among superiors, peers and employees
- Making conflict less stressful and more constructive
- Creating a healthy office environment and engaged workforce
- Enhancing your executive presence
- Asking more effective questions
